I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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