Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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