life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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