hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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