walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
