A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We left the knife in your bed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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