she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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