i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
