the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
