how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
