Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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