apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
