Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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