Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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