Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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