i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
