I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
