Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
