you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
