I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
