yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
