hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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