He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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