I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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