How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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