yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
