i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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