I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
