Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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