I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
