And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
