I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
