yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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