the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
