New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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