Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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