Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
