there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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