She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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