they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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