I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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