you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize