i always forget guys have bellybuttons
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
