My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
