but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
