OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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