the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
