Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
