i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
