She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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