you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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