i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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