I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
