Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
