She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
