Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
