Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
