took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
