Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
