the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
