you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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