her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i now understand why vodka
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
