I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
