i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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