Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
