Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
