perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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