the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
