I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
