R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
