Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The Olympian is in my bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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