i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
