Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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