well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
