Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
