the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
