I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
