Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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